Kintropy In Action

"I don't want to die," Gabriel sobbed.

It was late.  I was standing next to Gabriel's elevated bed.  I hung my head for a moment, considering

1. Was this the latest-and-greatest escalation in the I-don't-want-to-go-to-sleep wars?
2. If not, and he did seem to be taking this quite seriously, what had prompted this line of thinking?

A friend's hamster died recently.  That may have generated some additional questions, but Gabriel has been well acquainted with the concept of death, albiet fictional, for awhile.

Halloween is a huge holiday at our house.  Our humor tends to run a little dry and macabre at times.

Yes, Gabriel has seen Star Wars and Harry Potter, but he has also watched Bambi's mom die, Anastasia's family extinguished, and other "kids" fare that ended poorly for one or more characters.  I wasn't sure that that was the main issue, anyway.

My theory has always been that having grown-up challenges early in life could prompt this line of thinking.  I wondered if all the hospital time with Hannah, the pervasive equipment, nurses, doctors was connecting up for Gabriel now.

"Gabriel, I think you'll be alive for a long time."

"But I don't want you to die either."

"Well, okay.  You know that death is just part of life, right?"

"Yeah."

"The best thing we can do is eat right, exercise, and take care of ourselves.  Maybe we should focus on the things we can control.  We can think about things that make us happy."

I was feeling my way across a darkened road.  On a unicycle.  In the rain.  I wanted to be honest, but give Gabriel a path to think about things he had some power over.

I remembered having these same thoughts and questions as a child - even a young child.  The worst part was the lack of control.  Since my childhood reflections on death often coincided with severe asthma attacks, the powerlessness seemed amplified.

In addition, we're Jewish.  On death, Judiasm doesn't offer easy answers:  no promise of heaven, etc..  The focus is firmly on here and now:  what can we do to make the world a better place, help others, just because it's the right thing to do.

We were also raised to ask questions.  Lots of questions.  Gabriel seemed to have the hang of that.

"Will [insert family member] die?" he asked.

"Eventually, yes.  But let's focus on the things we can control.  What happened today that made you happy?"

Slowly, we veered off the death topic.  Gabriel seemed to embrace the things-he-could-control line of thinking.  I eventually thanked him for his questions, kissed his forehead, and wished him good night. 

He fell asleep not long after that. 

-- Dad