Kintropy In Action

"I HATE turkey!  It made it a BAD DAY!"

This is what I heard in-between gut wrenching cries and sobs from Gabriel's room.  He had been banished there after a long, unproductive dinner.  Janette had made these cute, Castle-like turkey burgers:  an ingenious dinner between grocery trips.  Gabriel had gone from "Ew, I don't like that" prior to the meal, to stall tactics A-Z, to playing with Hannah's hair, to kicking Hannah's chair's footrest, to some kind of blow-up-I-can't-remember-now that ended in an extended time out.

And now it was the turkey's fault.

I stood outside his room, taking full advantage of his need to externalize dialogue, trying to get some sense of where he was coming from (yes, spying - but with good intensions).  At first, I thought it was educational ("I tried it!  I really tried it!").  Maybe he had a point.  I had initially asked him to try it, to eat one burger.  Then his rationale quickly turned to finding a scapegoat.  "I hate it!  I hate turkey!  It made it a bad day!"

That's when I knocked and came in.  

"Gabriel, did you want to talk about this?  Did you want to talk about dinner, about the turkey and your behavior?"

Gabriel had his head covered in an afghan, his monologue on pause.  He peeked out and nodded.

"Tell me about the turkey, Gabriel."

"I didn't like it?" he quietly tested the waters.

"Did the turkey make bad decisions at the dinner table or did you?"

That seemed to stump him momentarily.  We had a brief discussion about who makes decisions: the dead turkey-burger or the live little boy in front of me. 

"I think I left the tv on in your room, Dad."

"Let's not change the subject.  We need to finish this discussion [Dad:  a lifelong pet peave of mine:  not finishing the discussion].  Why don't you think about it some more, Gabriel, and I'll be back in five minutes to talk about this some more."

I returned in about five minutes, and Gabriel seemed more composed.  He sat up more quickly.

"What did we learn, Gabriel?"

"I can make decisions."

"Good.  You make lots of good decisions, too, but tonight you made some poor choices.  Can you think of what they were?"

So we talked.  Gabriel had had enough time to calm down and either think through things or parrot the right responses back at me.  In the end, he seemed to get the gist of the conversation (take responsibility & don't lie).  In the end, he lost dessert, tv time, and other privleges, but he got to stay up rather than go to bed right then and there.  He also got to accompany me to go to the grocery store (admittedly, this was more for Mom:  she's really working to finish the new Harry Potter....).

I asked him again tonight what we learned.  "I'm in control of my body," he replied.

I ruffled his hair, celebrating a dead turkey given a late reprieve and a little boy that might be inching toward an understanding of personal responsibility.

-- Dad