Arf! Arf! We Won't Go
And what do you do? You pee on the flag-painted fire hydrant.
As evidenced by patriotic outlets like Fox News, this is an international incident.
I know where this is going. Yes, we are fighting them Over There, so they won't follow us Home. We're making progress. Just give it some time.
But the Enemy is cunning. He has been home with us the entire time, wagging his tail, pretending to go, catch the ball! catch the ball! while conspiring with his currish pack.
Soon, our dog park will be overrun. French Poodles will lift their chins at us while lifting their legs on our Stars and Stripes. Street mutts with matted hair and peace-sign tattoos will gather en masse on the lawns nearby. They'll chant "Arf! Arf! Arf!", demeaning themselves and all those brave people that have sacrificed themselves for the flag lapel pins, truck tire flaps, and, yes, fire hydrants that bear our Nation's Symbol.
German Shepherds, fitted with helmets and riot grrrrr, will march on the unlawful assembly. Initially, there will be chaos and a lot of yelping, but the Shepherds will restore order, honor, and dignity.
We, Hillsboro, recently chosen as one of the best places in the US to retire, will return to our cramped, newly manufactured homes, our televisions, our Starbucks, satisfied and proud. We will sleep soundly, with the help of prescriptions, knowing that our democracy is safe once more.
-- Dad
