Kintropy In Action: Conduct considerations in a marriage with children.

One of the alarming things I hear about and is common with a great deal of people who experience parenting and especially parenting children with special needs is their marriages fall apart. It makes me want to weep for the parents since a great deal of my strength and sanity in situations comes from my relationship with my husband. I thought I would give a brief synopsis of what works for us and helps us cope with the strains of life.

Listen

When Robert says he needs a break, I pay attention. I do what I can to facilitate it.

When I say I need a break, he pays attention. He does what he can to facilitate it.

Talk

When Robert has something that is bothering him, he tells me about it. (calmly)

When there is something bothering me, I tell him about it. (calmly)

Thank

Robert taught me this one. The simplest and the most mundane chores deserve a "Thank you." Such as just simply saying "Thank you for emptying the dishwasher." Nobody likes to do these chores, and it does lift your mood that someone was paying attention, realized it is not a fun job, but, appreciates that you have done it. You're more likely to do it again.

Don’t keep score

Realize life is not fair. Sometimes they will get more breaks. Sometimes you will get more breaks. Sometimes neither of you will get breaks.

Play fair

Even though you realize life is not fair, try to do everything in your power to make it so. If you are the one who got a break, look at your schedule and try to urge your partner to take one, too. If you bringing it up that you want to help them get one, that will make you a hero in their eyes. (And help them help you in the future)

Robert and I take turns on who gets to sleep in.

Affection

When passing in the hall or the room, take a moment to hug each other or peck one another on the cheek. It could just be a pat on the hand or a quick squeeze of a knee at the dinner table. These gestures say a great deal.

Realize time is a commodity

Work needs your time, your children need your time, your spouse needs your time, and you need some time for yourself.

Give each other gifts

If you are the one who gets to get out, bring back a treat for the one who stayed behind. Robert loves Starbucks Lattes. It can be as simple as a pack of your partner's favorite gum.