Mainstreaming
Next month we are having a transitional meeting about Hannah's goals and her transition into Kindergarten from preschool. It is exciting and overwhelming. We are going to put her into the public school my son goes to. We have some hang ups to get past. I really haven't seen any children that experience disabilities matriculating in activities. Some of the moms that live on my block that I talk to were even surprised to know there was a self-contained classroom there. It is a bungalow to the side of the building and I'm not sure the kids interact with the typical population.
Needless to say, I anticipate some interesting discussions.
This reminds me of a conversation I had recently. Let me start by saying that I was raised by a Marine and an Engineer. Most conversations when I was a child were all about the facts and sticking to the truth. There was no sugar-coating conversations. Usually when I'm dealing with very real issues I feel strongly about, I'm a little blunt.
So I met a women at a gathering whose child has Down Syndrome. She was talking to her friend. (Some of these things can be cliquey) They were across from me. I wanted to network, so I butted in because the women seemed really agitated.
Me: "So what is going on with your daughter's friend?"
Women: "My daughter just started kindergarten. She has a friend in class who likes to try to help her out. But my daughter wants to be independent, so she snarls and growls at her friend."
Me:"Wow."
Women: "Her friend's mother called me to say she was afraid her daughter's self esteem was being affected by my daughter's behaviour. Can you believe she tried to pass off the guilt to me. I have enough to deal with trying to keep my daughter in an integrated classroom!"
My first thought is Wow, this woman is reaching out for help from you to tell her daughter how to handle this behaviour. Wouldn't it be great if more parents could feel that comfortable to help with behaviour. I understand her misunderstanding, but when I talk about the wrong thing, her eyes narrow as I talk.
Me:"Your daughter needs to know that behaviour is not ok. You need to tell her that and especially her friend needs to let her know that. Especially her friend!"
Her face turns sour and she glares at me.
I shrug and say "You might think differently, but that is my opinion." I feel eye-daggers in my side as I turn to greet a friend who has arrived. Inside, I fume. She wants her child integrated, but she doesn't want to teach social rules. That is a disservice to her daughter. I further speculate that it must be because it is her only child. We all have to deal with those same issues with every child. Gabriel was three when we had to let him know biting wasn't appropriate. Hannah is still slipping ,but she does know it is not an OK behaviour.
So when I have the discussion with the school's staff, I plan have a what-can-we-do mentality instead of this-must-be-done-because-my-child-is-special approach.
--Mom
